I miss the voices

(serious post posted in The Troll Lounge solely for being offtopic)

Ok, so I've been diagnosed with schizophrenia (initally diagnosed as "psychotic disorder") one or two (?) years ago, it is a quite benign form mind you (pun not intended), with my symptoms mostly being a natural defense reaction of living under the corrupt oppressive society in the State of Brazil (some paranoia is justified if they are actually out to get you, note how paranoia is one of the defining features of schizophrenia). I noticed a disgusting pattern of prejudice in the institutions I would go to, labeling my bad state as if it was something "just in my head" rather than as a result of the oppressive material and ideological conditions within life in society. They told me to get pills ("antipsychotics", "antidepressants"), which wasn't so bad at first and people around me noticed great improvement in me (though the improvement might also have to do with me stopping being forced to physically attend that evil oppressive Bolsonaro-style military school (they have those in Brazil). However, I constantly was afraid of the pills, I don't remember ever truly trusting them and considering the prejudice institutions have had in regards to my autism and schizophrenia, I eventually snapped due to my intense thoughts telling me that, perhaps, those who wanted me to take those pills didn't have good intentions and simply wanted to oppress a defining part of me, the schizophrenic/autistic part which I value so much, I was so confused and felt as if I wasn't really me as if the pills were controlling me (considering I watch epic woke trans propaganda and am trans myself, the "not really me" part really hit me). I snapped and stopped taking the pills cold turkey (I'm NOT saying everyone should do this, I know there are lots of people who have a much more malign form of schizophrenia and would be destroyed if they tried to do what I did). Doctor told me that I would have more hallucinations if I stopped taking the "antipsychotics", which I saw as a great thing as my hallucinations are generally soothing and conforting rather than the stereotypical violent hallucinations that are found in more severe states of schizophrenia. Not sure if due to my "ENOUGH!" snap or due to the possibility of the anti_____s causing me harm, but I've greatly improved after ceasing to take the pills, I generally feel much more "me" and my mind is behaving much more logically, also the oppressive sleepiness I would feel has become much less intense with me being able to engage in much more Night Owl behaviour, However, there's something I've noticed... I'm not really hallucinating more, in fact there's a SCARCITY of hallucinations. One of my friends said that the "antipsychotics" might still be in my blood somewhat. I really hope these remains go away because I'm very upset that I'm not getting the wholesome conforting hallunations I was expecting